Clarification of terms
How do we use the word, “victim”?
This is a temporary assignment for a person “that is acted on and adversely affected by a force or agent” (Merriam-Webster).
How do we use the word, “abuse”?
Abuse is defined as an “improper or excessive use or treatment; misuse” (Merriam-Webster). It is an ongoing, or characteristic, pattern of misusing resources, position, power, authority. Perhaps a more accurate term is “coercive control.”
How is “abuse” sinful?
Based on the definitions above, abuse/coercive control is a mindset in which an individual with resources (greater position or authority) uses objective means to benefit himself at the expense of others. This can happen in a relationship (i.e. marriage) or organization (i.e. work or church setting).
At its core, abuse violates the image of God in the abuser with pride, greed, and violence. At the same time, abuse violates the image of God in the victim by removing their freedom, safety, and security. Violations of God’s image in both men and women are rebellion from God’s intended creation. (Gen. 1:27)
The following terms are synonyms for this dynamic when it occurs within a marriage: oppression, domestic abuse, domestic violence, coercive control. Marital oppression is not “a sin” in the same way bank robbery is not “a crime” but a series of crimes. Perhaps a law enforcement definition is helpful: A course of conduct crime (i.e. bank robbery) is a persistent pattern of behavior consisting of a series of actions over time that demonstrates a continuous purpose or intent. The actions must show a connection or underlying purpose, not just random, isolated behaviors. (ChatGPT)
If we were to map the modern word, abuse, onto Old Testament categories of sin we would use:
- Avon (twisting) → captures the distorted misuse of good things
- Pesha’ (rebellion) → captures the willful violation of God and others
- Ra’ (evil/harm)–> captures the destructive, harmful nature of abuse
So while “abuse” isn’t a direct Hebrew word, the concept is present: abuse is a kind of twisted rebellion against God that harms others– a mix of avon + pesha’ + ra’.
How does the Bible describe an individual for whom we use the word, “abusive?”
His private life may be characterized as a lover of self, lover of money, boastful, proud, demeaning, ungrateful, unholy, irreconcilable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, without love for what is good, traitorous, reckless, arrogant, loving pleasure rather than God (2 Timothy 3:2-5); sexually immoral, greedy, fraudulent, idolatrous, verbally abusive (1 Corinthians 5:10-11), defiling his own flesh, rejecting authority, blasphemous, fruitless, looking out only for himself, ungodly, discontented, grumbler, scoffer, divisive (Jude 8, 12, 16, 17, 18; Titus 3:10-11).
Most oppressors guard and protect their reputation and public image, therefore it is rarely seen by others. For this reason, the individual(s) who see and experience these characteristics are people under their authority or in their home. They are hesitant to speak of such things due to fear of real consequences (punishment).
Why do we use masculine terms for abusers and feminine terms for victims?
When we consider the means of controlling another individual, it is most common for men to have resources, position, and power to enforce punishment on another repeatedly, over time. Individuals with greater resources, position or power are not inherently “wrong” or “bad.” Is it the use of those means to benefit one’s self at the expense of another’s dignity, safety, and well-being that we call coercive control or domestic abuse.
The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 90% of all domestic violence victims are female and most abusers are male. This article may be helpful.
Note: the same dynamics and vocabulary apply to male victims of coercive control/oppression/abuse, which happens less frequently, but with more shame. It is not uncommon for abusive individuals to claim victim status as a deceptive means of protecting their sin, which further complicates the situation. Ask questions separately!
How does God call His people to respond?
Understanding and responding to the sin of abuse in a biblical way is important so that we do not fall into the trap of giving approval to those who practice evil. (Romans 1:32)
God instructs His people, “Provide justice for the needy and the fatherless; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute. Rescue the poor and needy; save them from the power of the wicked” (Psalm 82:3-4; echoed in Proverbs 31:8-9, Isaiah 1:17, Micah 6:8, James 1:27).