The idiom “love is a rose with thorns” means that love is beautiful and rewarding, but it also comes with challenges and difficulties. The phrase implies that the beauty and joy of love are worth the pain and sacrifice, just like a rose is worth its thorns.
One woman recently said, “Early in our marriage I thought to myself, ‘Marriage has its problems. That’s to be expected.’ Then I saw that our marriage had a black cloud. We had all the stuff other people have and we had this dark, black cloud no one else knew about.”
Oppressive marriages have normal stressors, but the downtrodden individual experiences so much more. While the person who is oppressive has the perspective of not getting life on their terms, the victim is subject to changing demands, guilt trips, manipulation, and punitive measures.
It’s possible that you have been approached by someone in an abusive marriage and you didn’t realize it. Some things they said didn’t make sense. Maybe they emphasized things that don’t really matter. If you ask questions and listen, you will realize that their living environment is very different from yours. It is not normal. Yes, it’s normal to have conflicts over the toilet seat, toothpaste, dishes, or morning alarm. But when those things are used to communicate displeasure, to punish or manipulate one individual repeatedly, something is wrong. This short video might help you understand.
Clarity in Action exists to help those who love God and others see the difference between normal marriage struggles and habitual mistreatment of one partner by another. If you are in need of help as an individual, please contact your local domestic violence shelter and/or a person you trust. You need someone that can walk you through your specific situation and help you understand what is happening.
If you are a perpetrator in need of help, please reach out to someone who loves you enough to hold you accountable. PeaceWorks provides a self-paced program to be used in conjunction with your local church leader/pastor, a biblical counselor, and advocate for your wife/spouse. If you’re not sure this is what you need, this article, “Am I Abusive?” by Pastor Chris Moles is a good place to start.
At Clarity in Action Ministries, our desire is not to promote ourselves, but “Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.” God exposes the sin of marital oppression in the same way He has always exposed sin and given life–through His Word. “For God who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of God’s glory in the face of Jesus Christ.” (2 Corinthians 4:5-6).
If you would like to partner with us in educating local churches in a Christ-honoring way, please send your gift to:
Clarity in Action Ministries
P.O. Box 403
Iowa City, IA 52244
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