We do not provide counseling services of any kind. Contact your local domestic abuse shelter, dial 9-1-1, or reach out to a trusted friend/organization.

a red sign that says no to bullying

Why Bully?

by | Oct 17, 2023 | Article | 0 comments

When someone has a different perspective it takes effort to see their point of view. Throughout Clarity’s Biblical Victim Care Course, we seek to see–and help others see–God’s perspective. An abuser rarely thinks what he is doing is wrong. He is quick to overlook or justify his words and actions. Victims often accept abusive behavior as normal. Living under oppression, confusion, deception, and fear eliminates their voice and ability to withstand injustice. They try. But change takes an act of God.

Why would someone seek or choose to subjugate others? Who chooses evil over good? The book of Hebrews acknowledges the “fleeting pleasures of sin” (Hebrews 11:25). Lundy Bancroft, in his book, Why Does He Do That? lists 10 “benefits” of dominating, or oppressive, behavior: 

  1. The intrinsic satisfaction of power and control
  2. Getting his way, especially when it matters to him most
  3. Someone to take his problems out on
  4. Free labor from her; leisure and freedom for him
  5. Being the center of attention, with priority given to his needs
  6. Financial control
  7. Ensuring that his career, education, or other goals are prioritized
  8. Public status of partner and/or father without the sacrifices
  9. The approval of his friends and relatives
  10. Double standards

The wages of sin is death–practically, relationally, and spiritually. To resist, call out, or challenge an individual steeped in such “benefits,” requires God-sized love, courage, perseverance, and perspective. Clarity in Action exists to equip local churches to value and care for victims of domestic abuse in a Christ-honoring way. We seek to pull back the curtain and reveal the truth of God’s Word for each person involved: victim(s), abuser, church leader, family member, friend, pastor, counselor. 

God is up to something good in each of our lives. He doesn’t sanctify one person at the expense of another. We believe God provides an opportunity to expose evil in marital and familial relationships as a means of sanctification. Unfortunately, it is more common than most of us are willing to see or engage.

Will you pray and ask God to help you see from His perspective? God promises to answer (1 John 5:15). Those of us who are In Christ have been created with a new nature of righteousness and holiness, filled with courage that is fueled by His love. (Eph. 4:24).


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